Demotivation Satire

Why work hard at anything when you can just lower your expectations?

There has never been a greater need than NOW to fill the need of people to accept their mediocrity and failures. With our DEMOTIVATIONAL coaching, you too will be able tolerate a meaningless existence of running a hamster wheel until you die.

Our training includes:

  • The science of proving your reality is just an illusion.
  • Accepting your legacy is temporary and even the people that know you will soon die.
  • 22 Proven ways to BLAME other people and circumstances for your failure and life

We are HANDS-ON in our training and will take you to the ULTIMATE level of complacence.  Even on your first day, you will learn techniques to blame your mom for every negative emotion and poor life decision you’ve ever made.

Our staff will help book your appointment with our list of recommended therapists that will indulge your negative emotions and support your process of blaming other people for everything you feel bad about in your life.  Furthermore, we promise none of our therapists will offer you any practical solutions to your problems no matter how many years you pay them so that you can continue your path of mediocrity acceptance.

Finally, we will set NEW goals within your reach to fulfill your need for a sense of accomplishment and legacy. This includes, breeding the next generation of mediocre, self-entitled, narcissistic children to help add to this already overpopulated world and help to diminish it’s limited resources even faster.

Also, how to create your very own Instagram, Facebook , and YouTube channel to create a false illusion of self-importance and pseudo-celebrity ego by simply posting food (that you eventually will eat or have eaten in the past), girls night out pics with skimpy outfits from Forever 21, or mainstream music festivals with trite quotes like “Life is Beautiful”.  Get a false sense of importance with every Like and Share on social media.  Who cares about money, when we ALL know social validation is the ONLY currency that matters.

ENROLL TODAY while it’s still hot on your mind before our classes are filled and we are FORCED to raise our prices.

P.S.   Enroll now, and we will include NEW Age religions and meditation techniques to replace old, false mythological religions of past empires. Our new age beliefs will explain step-by-step on how you too can claim yourself as god and the center of the universe. You too will be able to use phrases like “Namaste” and “love is the answer” to support your false illusion, while easily holding onto your deep seeded hatred of other races and religions secretly.

P.P.S. Use your new sense of self-riotousness and “social justice warrior” to generate a new type of hate and prejudice for everyone that disagrees with you. Create a social media mob to generate a social media stoning on anyone that annoys you without having to do any fact-checking or ANY work at all.

For LESS than the cost of the car you will leave behind when you are in the grave, for less than the cost of plastic surgery to add deformity to an aging face, for less than the cost of business cards of the Title/promotion/degree you spent years of your life & thousands of dollars to feed your ego and prove you are better than everyone…

you too can be at peace with a self-serving, ego driven, meaningless, temporary, hamster-wheel existence for just 1 soul or $19.95!!

We accept all major credit cards and PayPal. Click the link below to send Payment now or we can email your soul blood contract in PDF format TODAY.

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